You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize