Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
