I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So much Jack, so little girl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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