can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
