it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
