so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize