Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize