i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
