You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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