I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
