She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize