It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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