you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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