My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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