How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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