God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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