im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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