Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
