dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
