fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
