she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
