Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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