Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
