This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
