Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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