Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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