So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
