If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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