Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
