I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
