Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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