He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
