i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize