god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
