I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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