he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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