i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
