Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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