he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
