i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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