Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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