stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
