I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
