He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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