This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize