glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
