we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
