I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
