even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The best revenge is premature balding
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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