I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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