I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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