Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
