I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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