Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
