You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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