watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
