Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
