My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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