Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize