Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
