i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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