we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
