I'm passing your future prison.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
