dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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