Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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