Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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