does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
