dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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