I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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