Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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