I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
