if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
