Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
