I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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