3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
