I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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