i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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