Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
