i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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