I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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