i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
