hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
